BEST MOVIE OF THE DECADE

With a decade of films behind us, I’ve seen a lot of “Best of The Decade” lists recently.  Most of them I dismissed as if they submitted an inaccurate scan-tron.  Many tried to intentionally separate themselves from the masses “i.e. #1 Film:  David Lynch’s Mulholland Drive”.  But, fact is, big Blockbuster movies united the country during the in-your-face Bush years.  Lord of The Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, Spiderman, Transformers, et al ruled the box office, and we ultimately  appointed the #1 spot to The Dark Knight — a movie which oddly seems to have taken on sacred status.  If you express even the slightest shortcoming of The Dark Knight, or worse, opine that The Joker really isn’t that interesting of a character, most people will grit their teeth in a quiet rage.  It’s fascinating that in a decade when the country was extremely divided  (Bush/Gore, red state/blue state, Aiken/Studdard, stay in Iraq/leave Iraq,  Palin/Obama) probably the only thing EVERYONE agreed upon was that Heath Ledger gave a good performance.  The universal likability of Ledger’s Joker, if affixed to important matters, could have put everyone on the same page.

Why So Serious? We Should All Vote For Gay Marriage

With the (absolute) truth of the above paragraph, let’s not even try and pick a different #1 of the decade.  There is no room for dissidence on this.   For the sake of possible domestic harmony, lets just say it was The Dark Knight and be done with it — regardless of how stupid it was.

Therefore, this year, instead of composing a Best of The Year list, which would have included The Girlfriend Experience, The Informant, The Hurt Locker, The White Ribbon, 500 Days of Summer, and Paranormal Activity (proudly starring BLANK PRESS alum Micah Sloat of “Science & Faith” which you should watch after reading this), I want to discuss something more interesting about the decade in film:  The Worst Trends.  Sure, we saw a surge in comic book/fan boy type movies, but those have been attacked ad nauseum. So here then are the (3) Worst Movie trends of the past ten years which need discussion:

WORST TREND #3:  SOPHISTICATED ANIMATION

These aren’t bad movies per say; in fact some of them are great.  But enough is enough.   Over the past decade, much of the praise has been for the characters increasingly “lifelike” features, but where are we going with this?  Isn’t the apex of this progress… an actor?   Ultimately, this year you saw the culmination of the rising tide of incredible animation and CGI.  James Cameron said he dreamt up his blue masterpiece 30 years ago, but the technology wasn’t possible yet to make it.   I assume this graphic I’ve made is representative of the evolution he foresaw.

James Cameron’s Vision Wasn’t Possible For 30 Years.

WORST TREND #2:  AVERAGE GUY PROTAGONISTS

On the cinema landscape this decade, a word I’ve heard frequently is “escapist”.  People tend to pardon the most disposable movies as escapism.  The logic suggests that your life is an existential mess and spending time with Jay Baruchel for 106 minutes could possibly assuage these feelings.   The irony is many of these average guy protagonist films (Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, She’s Out of My League, 40 Year-Old-Virgin) have an intentional main character starting point of “This could be YOU”.   Furthermore, the protagonist’s friends in the film usually just hang out and have guy talk.   That guy talk is supposed to mirror the theoretical conversations that YOU and YOUR friends probably have (and while smoking the same pot smoked by the reflection of yourself in the movie).  And for girls, these are type of conversations they THINK average guys are having.  So it’s a projected realism.   Ultimately (and esoterically) you’re going to the theater with your friends to watch a movie about you and your friends.  How is that escapist?

THIS is escapist

WORST TREND #1:  EASY COMEDY

Think on it — if a movie makes you laugh a lot, is it therefore a good movie?  Obviously that’s dictated by your sense of humor.  But recently, we’ve seen a wave of comedies that have hit their market perfectly.  This year The Hangover was a whopping success and was lauded as the funniest movie of the decade.  In pop culture conversations, the only possible movie you could bring up for debate was Old School (by the same director).  Other movies in this category — Superbad, Anchorman, Pineapple Express, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Wedding Crashers, Knocked Up, 40 Year Old Virgin — were beloved by America too, and expressing contention to their greatness will only make you feel extremely isolated.  That’s why I’ve decided to join the club.  I have since watched The Hangover 6 times, and with each viewing, I notice a funny part that slid past me before.  Like last night I realized that Mike Tyson was singing a Phil Collins song.  I don’t know why, but it doesn’t matter.  I just saw an advanced screening (rough cut) of The Hangover 2.  My friends and I LOVED it.  It helped us escape.  Here’s the just released trailer:

THE HANGOVER 2 – Trailer

The system has been broken for centuries.  Today, convenience items such as iPhones, Blackberrys have destroyed attention spans.   Other industries have taken this into account (take stupid movies for example, or CNN.com’s abridging of already short articles).  Basically, parties who care what WE think — have gone great lengths to condense their message.  So why shouldn’t this apply to the synagogue as well?  Could bangin’ it out and gettin’ it done with be applied to shul.  Here are 6 methods to improve High Holiday services.

1) Not 85, not 90, but 100% of congregants have no clue about the logic and order of the prayers.  They stand when told, and then wait to sit… when told.  If you’re a rabbi, you can bet everyone standing is praying for a speedy return to their seat.  As a religious leader, you should take authority to excise unneeded prayers from the set list.  Take the time, and truly analyze each prayer as a journalist would their article.   What’s important?  Ask the basic questions:  ‘How will this prayer affect the lives of my congregants?’  ‘Will this prayer help my congregation’s existential truths?’  And… ‘Does this prayer have too many verses, and not enough choruses?’  Really think about these — then cut the fat.

2) Reward congregants who are on the right page… literally.  In my extensive career of forcing myself into shul on Yom Kippur, I have never been on the correct page of a Siddur.  I easily lose track, and see no benefit or logic to scrolling my eyes across text I can’t read or seems needlessly esoteric.  Plus, every now and then somebody asks me what page WE’RE on, and I never know to whom they’re referring.   So, perhaps, a reward system needs to be in place.  There should be a ‘what page are we on’ pop quiz every 20 minutes, submitted through silent voting (a la America’s Funniest Home Videos).  If you get it right three times, you are off the hook for atoning.

3) Let people wager on how many times we say “King of The Universe”.

4) Consider the medley.  Recall, if you will, going to a concert of an iconic band; one with myriad chart-toppers and a surplus of good material.  There is no way they can play every smash hit, so they occasionally combine five or six big numbers into a short medley – hitting one verse and one chorus each, and then… on to the next one.  Well, some of these prayers have around 76 verses and the chorus repeats 79 times (the final three choruses being stylistic, manual fade-outs at the end).  So just go ahead and combine a few.  Everybody’s happy, and will be pumped when you make a cool, yet subtle transition into Ma’Oh’Tzor.

5) Eliminate the new-age, plastic ‘say-hello-to-the-person-next-to-you’ segment.    This is not only time consuming, but also re-affirms how disconnected we’ve become as Jewish people.   Seriously, this is a relatively new feature.  It makes everyone feel painfully awkward, and on a deeper lever, causes realizations of our averse nature towards strangers.  The setting of temple, a locale built for community and togetherness, exacerbates (the shit out of) this feeling.  Perhaps replace this segment with a high-energy reprise of Sha’ma.

6) Stop charging a cover.  Jewish guilt is one of the strongest natural forces.  We feel we NEED to be in synagogue on a certain two days every year, and if we’re not, we have successfully shamed our ancestors.   Suddenly, we feel retroactively responsible for the whole ‘thing’.  Last year, some synagogues were charging $200 to get in.   I do understand the fee pays salary for the rabbi, the canter, synagogue administration, etc… But – instead of exploiting this guilt with money, perhaps we should exploit the sensation of leaving synagogue.  That’s right – an exit fee.  First off, extend the service to the five-hour orthodox length.  Then, if you can’t take anymore after an hour, you have to pay $250 to leave.  Stay 2 – 3 hours, and it’s $150.  The synagogue could make big money this way, and it also provides a nice litmus test for rabbi contract renewal.

Next year, lets give these a shot, and atone for centuries of self-induced masochism.